


As He Needs Me

by yalltookmyusernameideas



Series: Fluidity [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Melancholy Ending, Take it as you will, i guess, i suppose it could be read as platonic, im on a moceit kick though, ts spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:22:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23995969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yalltookmyusernameideas/pseuds/yalltookmyusernameideas
Summary: Deceit has always been there for Thomas in whatever way he needed him.
Relationships: Morality | Patton Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: Fluidity [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1730377
Comments: 5
Kudos: 80





	As He Needs Me

Janus stood in the doorway to the kitchen, watching Patton as he cleaned up from whatever baking escapade he’d just finished. 

Patton turned and let out a small “oh!” upon seeing Janus, though his smile only grew. Somehow, that made what Janus had to tell him all the worse. 

“What brings you over here, Jan? Usually you steer clear of the kitchen when I’m trying something new!” Patton joked. 

Janus smiled, though it was short lived. 

“Patton I… I have something very important to tell you. It is so important that I think both of us need to sit down, and you need to know that my words are truth, at least in regards to this.” 

Patton’s expression has fallen into something a little more guarded, a little more cautious than those that normally adorned his features. Janus wanted to back out, he wanted to get Patton back to the smile he was so used to seeing, but he knew if he didn’t say something now, he never would. 

Janus took a deep breath. 

“I have always been here for Thomas however he needed me,” he began. 

Patton gave a soft smile, tension falling out of his shoulders. 

“Janus, honey, I know that now. I’m so sorry you ever felt unwanted here. That’s not gonna happen anymore, though.” 

Janus shook his head. “While I appreciate the sentiment, really, I do… that’s not what this is about.” 

Janus’s breath hitched, and it took another seven seconds for him to steady himself. 

“I am… a little more fluid than the rest of you. Things about me… they change. Rapidly and frequently. I’m not the same side as the one who impersonated you all those months ago, I’m not the same side that you faced in the trial, I’m barely the same side as the one who trusted you with his name.” 

Janus had silent tears streaming down his face now. Patton leaned forward, attempting to comfort Janus and dry his tears. Janus flinched back, shaking his head and curling into a defensive position. 

Patton leaned back, giving Janus his space. 

“Okay…” he tried, “so what does that mean?” 

“Do you remember your playmate, back when Thomas was barely preschool age? Before Creativity formed?” Janus asked, rapidly scrubbing at his face as he switched topics. 

The change caught Patton off guard, but he went along with it anyways. 

“I— yeah, I do. I called him Tommy, because he looked exactly like Thomas, just… a little mindscape Thomas.” Patton smiled, remembering his little friend. 

Janus nodded. “Did you ever wonder what happened to Tommy?” 

Patton gave a sad smile. “When I grew older, yeah, but that was years later. One day, Tommy was there, then the next I met Creativity. I was four, though! I didn’t know any better…” 

Patton was crying now too. Janus placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, careful not to be invasive. Patton leaned into the touch, sniffling and hiccuping despite the soft comfort it brought him. 

Once Patton had calmed a little, Janus took a deep breath. 

“I know, Patton. My intention in bringing that up wasn’t to distress you. I… I’m sorry.” Janus gave Patton a little squeeze around his shoulders, and Patton sighed in content. 

“I just… oh, how do I explain this?” Janus leaned back on the couch, letting his head fall back into the cushions. 

“I don’t…” Patton began, prompting Janus to look over at him. He could see the gears turning in Patton’s head, see him piecing the puzzle together. 

“…You were Tommy.” He said. It wasn’t a question, it wasn’t a startled realization. It was a fact. 

Janus nodded. “I was Tommy.” 

“So… what does that mean?” Patton asked, circling back to his original question. 

Janus let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. 

“Over the years, I’ve been… so many different people. I change to fit however Thomas needs me, whether it be a conscious or unconscious choice. I still… remember everything? For the most part? But it’s all distinctly separate from who I am now. I feel none of the childish attachment Tommy felt for you.” 

Patton nods but doesn’t speak, letting Janus day his piece. 

“I’m constantly changing. And things change with me. My name, my appearance, my concept of self, my view on morality, my responsibilities concerning Thomas… they’re never constant.” 

Patton had leaned into Janus’s side, giving him a loose hug that he could easily remove himself from if he wished. 

Janus let out a broken sob, finally reciprocating Patton’s hug. 

“I just… I wanted you to know, Patton. I wanted you to know, because there will… there will come a day, when I might not recognize you, not right away. Or a day where all this progress we’ve made,when it’s only relevant to you. There will come a day when I won’t answer to “Janus” anymore, because it won’t be my name. I couldn’t… I couldn’t bear to keep it from you, for fear of you waking up one day and having to piece it all together yourself.” 

Patton held Janus close as they both sniffled and sobbed, Patton a little caught off guard by Janus’s unbridled honesty. 

“Well,” Patton began carefully, “we can’t change the past, or worry about what might happen. But we can give some gosh darn amazing hugs right now while we cry over it.” He said through a watery giggle, offering Janus a tentative smile. 

Janus broke, his own sobs becoming mixed with giggles as he held Patton just a little closer. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, your feedback is appreciated!  
> You can also find me on tumblr at @yalltookmyurlideas and @chris-writings
> 
> I also hope to make this into a series! If you have thoughts on this concept, please feel free to share/discuss in the comments below, or tag me in a tumblr post.


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